Today is my birthday and 7 years since we first arrived in New Zealand. I feel as though we have gone through a full cycle and that jubilee is here. The last few years have been very hard for me as I have worked through disappointments, rejection, betrayal and pain that came through our own mistakes as well as through ministry – where perceptions and expectations were placed upon us by others. I have felt over the last couple of years as though my identity has been stripped away and as though I have had to find myself again in obscurity. The only thing that saw me through and allowed my heart to choose to remain forgiving and positive was my amazing family and husband and having to reach out to God and ask Him to wrap me in a new identity where I saw myself as loved by Him no matter what my function was.
This has taken time but I am glad that I have discovered who I am in Him – I no longer need to do for the sake of it, but I can enjoy being and as a result I want to do, but for completely different reasons now. I have decided that I am done with meaningless Christianity – please don’t get me wrong – I love Jesus passionately and His church, but if things don’t change whereby I am living meaningfully for Him and advancing and ushering in His kingdom in a real way – I don’t mean by rituals of just saying prayers or going to church hoping that things will change and people will get saved (that hasn’t worked!!) then I am wasting my time and I’m just like the guy who buried his talent – Ouch!!!
Rather I want to live out kingdom – touch the broken, love the unlovely, feed the hungry and pray for the sick seeing them get well and restored. I get a little taste of this at work as I help two kids who need encouragement, but this is only the tip of the iceberg.
So today I felt a new beginning – a rebirth and a fresh start and I am looking forward to the next season of change with anticipation and excitement. I can’t wait to see what God is going to do!!